December 11, 1994

Ali left. She is now in England with her family. For now all I will do is write to her. I really miss her. I want to mary her. She is wonderfull. I don´t want this feeling to ever leave me. I´m looking for a bar to lease. So I can buy a house-bussiness at the beach, that is where she want´s to live. -besides, this is like an additional push for me to finally get my head up. Today I learned to do a bussiness plan to find out how much money I need to do to keep a bussiness going. To everyone I´ve spoken to about my will for my own bussines, they think it is a great idea and that I have the capability of getting it done. I on the other hand know so.

Right now I feel melow with my self. I know where I stand and where I wanna get. I know there is someone on the other side of the world who loves me. And now it is up to me to make it go right for us to be together. I still have to grow my self: intellectually, economically, in my relationships, and still have to get more fun out of life while I am achieving my goals.

As part of this dairy a thing I should incorporate some of the letters I have sent to Alison as they express a lot of my feelings and thoughts during this period.

San Jose, Costa Rica. 12 December 1994
Hello Ali, I started this letter in flamingo yesterday, (sunday) but it was almost imposible to finish it then. I started writting by hand. There were so much I wanted to tell you and my handwritting is so terrible that it didnt turn out to be the letter I wanted it to be; besides this guy would not stop talking to me. I was at the mariner, terrible mistake, people were just coming in and asking me how was I doing?, was I missing you ?, etc. I then went to Amberes to work and the night was really slow and I started writting some more because the night was really slow, and the same happened. Luckly Nathalie was coming to San Jose at midnight so I took a ride with her and desided to just do the letter in the computer because I just feel better when I know it is going to be understood.
The crew went to Amberes on Friday and Saturday night. On Friday there were only Paul, Peter, Craig, and Adrianne. They had a good time. Nathalie finnaly saw Craig, they spoke and ... you know ... Sasha went in to the Casino and won some money so he also had a good time. I was doing O.K. I guess. It wasn’t really bussy. On Saturday Everyone came in, including Rebeca and Sam. Sam got drunk and was dancing the whole night and gave Paul a real hard time. You know, she was with him at one point and then she would just wonder off and tease him. He would go looking for her she would sort of talk to him and then dissappear again, so I guess Paul wasn’t very happy about the night.
Anyway I’m at home now, even doe I have to go back tomorrow to Flamingo. Right now my brother is playing the piano for me. He is showing me the way he plays “Balad for Adeline” and I have to say he is great. He just tried out for a better music School so he can learn a little more about music and tomorrow we will find out about the results.
I told Paul about your jacket and he said that he had already taking care of it. That it is boxed up and ready to be sent.
I am not a great letter writter, so please forgive any mistakes that might have slide by me. I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a boring letter.
The day you left Flamingo I was calling Hotel del Rey to make sure you had gotten there O.K. I started calling at 7:45. Asked for you; you hadn’t check in yet. I left a message, waited, you didn’t call. At 8:10 I called the Hotel again. You still had not chek in yet, I got worried, started wondering “where is this women?, Could something wrong happen to her?, Didn’t my friends go pick her up? etc. (I love you) So I called the bus station to check on your bus, to find out if it had arrive and what time did this happen. They told me it came in 20 minutes ago. So I tought that you should be checked in the Hotel del Rey by then, but you weren’t there. In all this desesperation I decide to call my house to try to find out what happened to the women of my dreams, the one I love. My sister answers the phone, I asked her for my older sister, as she was the one who was going to pick you up, she told me “she has not called yet, but wait a second” I waited. I didnt know what to expect, I was only interested in knowing “where was Ali” I was about to fall in the deepest desesperation, the world felt like not important at that moment. If my family did not know where you were, I was basicaly a dead man. I waited on the phone like a convict awaits his sentence wishing it is a “not guilty” sentence. Could it have been that something had happen and they didn’t know how to tell it to me?, Could the Lord some how decided that a beautifull love story like yours and mine should have a sad ending? All kinds of things were going trough my head. I just couldn’t be calm without knowing what was happening to someone I practically just met and who gave me the most incredible 4 weeks of my entire existence on this miserable planet, who turned my world around, who renued my energies, who somehow manage to always bring out the best in me.
And it finally happened, the only perfect ending to this apparent nightmare, the only thing that held me trough out the night that Friday night. It was better than all the orgasms I ever had put together in one split of a second. I heard your voice. I heard Angels singing in the ski. The sea was dancing at its best. the stars started shining harder, my heart stopped pounding just so my ears could clearly listen to the most beatifull sound I could ever imagine listening to. The sound of you. You the one that I will never forget no matter what happens. You the one that came to my life to wake me up to love again when I had already given up all hope on it. You the one woman in this world who now gives a real meaning to my existence. You Alison... You.
It is now the day after I started this letter and it has gotten late for me to go back to Flamingo. Although I have still much more to tell you I’ll just end this letter here and I’ll be talking to you soon.
Take care and don’t Work too much, Love you, miss you.
Faithfully yours,
Warren Barton
Letter 2 (Aprox.) 10 December, 1994
Cheers Alison! So this is my hand writting. Im going to do my best for it to be readeable, as I’m not great at writting by hand.
The first letter I sent you wasn’t the most happy thing you ever read in your life, so I’m going to make it up in this one (I hope)
Its been almost a week since you left. It already felt like a lifetime. I keep thinking of the card I gave you with that teddy bear:
“I guess the mature thing to do is just to say I’ll miss you and then get use to having you gone ...”
“Well, I’ve told you I miss you, But Ali, I will never get use to having you gone, never. and tears come to my eyes when I say this. But since I’m writting this with people around me I wont let them see me cry.
Besides that I am doing good! What can I say? I am still working at Amberes there isn’t nothing different going on there. It remanis the same as when you were here.
We’ve gotten couple of new guys. But on their first night, my boss gave them so much shit, they left the following day ( they were smart).
I can’t blame them, he isn’t an easy person to work with. Last night he was just jealing to everyone. I just stayed in my little cabin and played my music until the night finally ended around 3:30 a.m.
We had a lot of people; the fullest I’ve ever seen since I’ve been here working. Hopefully It will carry on like that from now on as we should be in the high season.
So Ali, how are you doing? How is Your Dad and Mom? /Fionna and Eon, How are they doing? What did they say when you arrived? Who went at the airport to pick you up? How long did you and your mom cried for?
England, is it poring with snow there? Is it what you expected it to be? Have you been going out lately, and, most important of all, are you having FUN!
Right now there is a beautifull moon just right over the ocean: and its light falls like a river of beauty over the silent ocean. Silent as the night that breaks in my hearth. Beacause the moon that gives such beauty to this otherwise dark sea is you, beacause the sea I am talking about, the darkness I am talking about is me and my soul.
I love you to bits and I will do what ever, to have you back by my side, only as long as you wish so.
My sister told me that she liked you a lot, so did little Vernny, my brother, they were very please to meet you and having you home. And all my friends were very sorry they didn’t meet you, and so am I. They were very pleased to know that I met a mad english girl?
Love you,
Miss you,
won’t forget you.
Letter 3
Flamingo, Costa Rica, December 27, 1994
Hello Alison! I am keeping track of time ever since you left. It has been a litlle over 2 weeks and a half. It feels as a lifetime. I only have good memories.
I spent christmas working. Playing my little music. We had a lot of people. Almost a full house. The night started slow as usual and started to pick up around 10:30; by 11:45 it was full, and we had people jumping around the dance floor up and down; all feeling very happy; well amost all, there were some that were kind of dragging them self into the chirstmas spirit but just couldn’t fool me I knew they were sad for one reason or another. (Sasha).
I, on the other hand, decided to put all my troubles away and enjoy the night. Had a lot of fun. At midnight I called my family, they were still up. ‘They always stay up past midnight for christmas an New Years. So I spoke with Vernny and my mom! It was great; to some degree I guess. It would have been better for me to be with them but ...
So, how was your christmas? where did you spend it?
(hey! what do you think of my hand writting, its getting a little better)
Flamingo got real bussy. People are just every where. They came down to the beach to spend New Years eve.
Amberes organized a whole week of live music entertainment. Even a beach concert with 3 different groups is going to be held on Friday. We are expecting at least 1500 persons for that concert and new years eve party is just going to be crazy. Just imaginge Ali, 2000 persons in little amberes. The most you ever saw was 200. (crazy). I’ll let you know how it all ended.
I haven’t heard anything from Sophie or the Goose. Sasha is suppose to be calling on the 1st or something like that. May be you know something about Sophie or her where abouts.
Time is a funny thing. And what it does to you I’’ll never undestand.
It’s been a little over 2 weeks since you left.
And the memoris I have of us; instead of getting dimmer day after day,
they keep growing stronger and stronger.
Every image, every feeling, every kiss, every smile, everything that I can think of
just keep coming back to my mind.
strong as it was the first time, strong as my hearth can beat.
I still can feel your kisses and your hugs.
your body and it’s warmth, your smell and your eyes, your hand into mines.
I can still feel the pain of our last night. The pain of every kiss you gave me end every touch of you.
The pain of knowing that by tomorrow I would be missing you.
Time does funny things to you.
and what it does to you
I’ll never undestand.
take care
Dont forget that I love you
Warren
January 18, 1995 San Jose, Costa Rica
Hi Ali! This has been a great week! I just spent two consecutive weeks in Flamingo with out coming to San Jose. I arrived yesterday. The first thing I did was look for a letter from you (your first one) I did not see it in my room. No one was home so I felt dissapointed that it was not here. About an our later my younger sister (Janina) came in. I said:”Hi, is there a letter for me?”. She stopped for a moment, started to remember and finnally answered:”I think there is one but mom has it” I couldn’t believe I had to wait to receive your letter, so I went into her room and saw it sitting on her dresser. I read it 3 or 4 times and one more right before I went to bed that night. Great!!!.
I’ve been planning on writting you another letter. I actually started one last night but was above extra tired so I went to bed. Today as I was working on some numbers for the bar, to figure out how much money could we hearn off of it, my sister called, the youngest one again, Janina, telling me a letter had arrived for me. It was your second one. The one you wrote the night we spoke on the phone. This made my day. Receiving this two letters from you in only two days made me so very happy you would thing I am really crazy, And I am, I’m in love with you from a distance. Don’t get me wrong. What I mean is that I’ve been in love before, madly in love. I’ve even spent 2 years of my life pretending one girl I fell deeply in love with. Nothing happened then but I was hurt deep inside of me. From then it was always so hard to get involved in any other relationship. If I did get involved in one it would be very superficial, just because I was been cautious, I taught. But then you came, all the way from England. You had been wondering around the world the same way I was for 5 years until we finally met in Flamingo last year and had a romance that all my friends envy and even I can’t believe it was so wonderful. Being on the boat with you, loosing you for 3 days with out knowing anything about you when your ex-boss took the boat to Nicaragua, doing all the crazy things we did, walking on the beach with you, looking over the marina at night from the bar at the hotel and so much more wonderfull things I remember we did together and even the ones I did while I was thinking of you and so much more, it is just so extra wonderfull, I just don’t think life can ever top this.
I don’t think I will ever find a women to love more than I love you. You are by far the best thing that could ever happen to me. Just thinking that a woman like you could fall, even a little for me just drives me over the top!. I don’t really know what I am trying to say. All I know is that a simple “ I love you “ will never express how I feel inside because of you and for you. Ali Thank you for been the way you are. You are excellent!. You have made my life so much better. We were only together for a little over a month and this was more than enough to trigger of this feeling in me that has changed my life. Not until know that I am telling you this is that I realize the magnitude of the impact you have had on my life. Nothing I’ve ever done has created such shock on me like you did. I go breathless as I type this on my computer and that is how I now this feeling is more than real. It is me wishing I could be all the words in the world to fit into this letter and travel across the distance into your hands, and fall into your mind and be with you until the end of time. Even if I don’t get to spend the rest of this lifetime with you, wich if really what I want right now. Even if life decides that I can’t get everything that I want, that I’ve already gotten enough happiness by your side and does not allow me to be with you again, I will always be gracefull to life and to god, if there is one for having met you.
Please don’t cry. I am not writting all of this to have you cry. I am happy in a way that life happened the way it did. May be if you were here I would conform with that and would not try to go beyond and creat the quality of life that I would want for us. Be happy Alison. Be happy to know that across the sea, over the ocean, beyond valleys and mountains, distances we can only imagine one man is deeply in love with you, one man tells you he loves you and that same man tells you “don’t forget that I love you, and I’ll always do”.
This morning I was supposed to be getting a definity answer on this bar proyect. The basic idea is to rent a bar that is now close in a centric location in San Jose. This place is part of a big Complex that also has a Discotheque wich is also not working as such but has all the equipment necesary to do so, it is only in need of a good administration. Well the owner called me up today and ask what was it that I intended to do at his bar. I explained to him what it was but I don’t think I convinced him as he said he was going to call me again tomorrow first thing. But I think I made the mistake in the first place by handling this over the phone and not in person. So I have decided that tomorrow first thing I will be in his office convincing him of how important it is for him to have us do business there. And it has to work out right I am sure.
It is now 11:33 p.m (5:30 in englnad), So I’ll have to end this letter soon to be up bright and early tomorrow, and I am leaving back to flamingo as well. Oh! I almost forget. Let me tell you about Sascha.
He finally got over Sam. He decided that she wasn’t for him and that he wouldn’t spend his savings going to Galapagos Island, she was too old for him. ( this was all after he met Jinett, the new bartender at the Marinner Inn bar) They started going out and it was working good for them until we found out that Jinett was still unsure about her exboyfriend, who also lives in Flamingo. So she is now a girl who is confused between two men (God! I hate women like that). Anyway Sasha is surviving the whole situation. His family is going back to Canada, life in Costa Rica did not turn out to be what they had planned and Sascha is thinking of taken Jinet with him. (good luck Sasch)
Well I have to admit I my self am thinking of leaving little old Costa Rica, It is not as nice as it just to be. I am actually thinking of South Africa, I don’t know I’ve heard very nice things about the place but it is just a crazy idea. What I really want to do is race enough money to live all over the world, travel to be a citizen of the world so I wont be tied to one place and would really fell free to some degree (also one of those crazy ideas I have).
I really liked the Poem on your card. It went something like:
a poem for an Extra special friend
If I had a million pounds, I know what I would do
I would buy some extra special times, and spend them all with you
I would change It just a little by adding:
a poem for an Extra special friend
If I had a million pounds, I know what I would do
I would buy ALL the time in the world
just to spend it with you
may be I am not a great poet, but I do love you.
I did find kind of funny that you wanted to go back to a boat and work after being on The Goose for so long. But what ever you do I am with you. I am sure you will do great. And about the phone call, I was surprised to find out the two calls I made were so cheap so be expecting more of those, just let me know what your schedulle is so I can get organized. And about the time difference, don’t worry I will call after I go out dancing I find it a great way to end a happy night.
I am a little concerned about hour future we have not really planned on it at all. I would like to hear if you have taugh about it. What are we going to do. And please remember I am not putting any kind of preasure on you. This is because, do you remeber the night you guys came back from the trip to Nicaragua? you came in the cabin and told me you needed to talk to me and later you told me you did not like to be presured. Remember that night, I taught this was funny, but I did take it seriuos if you understand what I mean? What ever you decide we should do is fine with moi (french) and if you think we should work it out together or if we should wait until we see each other, I don’t know. May be your head is clearer than mine.
Hey beautifull, Don’t forget that I love you, I hope to see you soon,
Warren Barton J.
P.S. Say Hi! to your mom and your dad. ( I tought he was a great guy over the phone, made me feel real good. Also say hello to Fionna and Eon, Sophie as well ( I’ll be writting her now that I know where she is) Take care
I think of my self as a great guy who is respected by the people who surrounds him because he respexts them. I´ve come along way but this is just the beginning and the rest can only be better. I´ve accomplished what I wanted D.J. wise, actually I created a monster. People only expect that form me. nothing but good music. So I want this to be over now and kext is being a great bar, disco, restaurant, owner with the most friends, and succesfull bussines, I´m ussually succesfull and I enjoy doing what I want.